red_state_updatefandomcom-20200214-history
Jackie Broyles
Jackie Broyles (played by Travis Harmon) is the older and more levelheaded of the two main characters on Red State Update. He espouses traditional conservatism, especially a belief in following the Bible and attending church, though he rarely goes himself. Jackie grew up on a farm and loves horses, especially Shetland Ponies. Jackie once held the record for the deepest ride into a cave on horseback with his favorite horse, Mr. Horsepants. This event occurred on the same day as John F. Kennedy's assassination. He enjoys whiskey on occasion, hates curse words, and holds to a consistent work ethic. Jackie's teeth have been reported to be in terrible condition. Dunlap described Jackie's teeth as "varnished corn nibblets" and compared the color of Jackie's teeth to that of a household cabinet. Jackie is also in bad standing with the local Catholic community (concentrated in the Catholictown section of Murfreesboro) due to him mumbling under his breath about how he felt that Catholic funerals were stupid. Jackie's wife had a stroke many years back, and he helps provide care for her. They apparently have a son, Jackie Jr., but Jackie refuses to talk to or about him. Jackie is, in general, suspicious of modern technology; while he has occasionally expressed an interest in subscribing to some digital radio service, if only so he can listen to Willie's Roadhouse, he is content to keep around and old Billy Joel tape and listen to Uptown Girl. Jackie has been known to fly into fits of rage due to some of Dunlap's sponsors, particularly Farmboy, and Dunlap's exceptionally poor behavior. He was the subject of a presidential campaign, Jackie Broyles for President, in 2008. For most of the podcast, Jackie owned and operated Jackie's Market, a combination convenience store and barbecue stand. However, in the wake of the Jackie Strangler Saga, his store was taken over by some High-Priced Nashville Lawyers, who opened a law office and Nashville Hot Chicken restaurant. In Episode 210, it was revealed that Jackie Broyles won election as Mayor of Murfreesboro, the Catholics and the Ku Klux Klan having split the vote on their own respective candidates. However, Jackie's administration immediately ran into controversy as his various picks for Deputy Vice Mayor were revealed to be members of the KKK or possible human incarnations of Ghost Hurt Bird. Episodes subsequent to this do not feature sponsors but, instead, open with a "special message" from Mayor Jackie Broyles, followed by questions from Dunlap, representing what he calls the Dunlap News Journal, which he admits to being a fake news website. One of Jackie's first decisions as mayor was to deny entrance into Murfreesboro to refugees from Gatlinburg, Tennessee, and the surrounding area who were driven out due to wildfires. Jackie's concern was that the people who worked at Dollywood followed the strange practices of "Dolly-ah Law," a variant of Shariah Law centered upon the person of Dolly Parton. With Jackie's election as mayor, the plot of the podcast paralleled the controversies surrounding the election of Donald Trump. Like Trump, Jackie was criticized for including in his cabinet individuals who were manifestly unfit for office, most notably Little Cissy Rinseguard as secretary, the feral child from Christmas Cave, and the Hippy Biscuit Baby. Of particular concern to Dunlap has been the inclusion of Mr. Drib in the administration of Jackie Broyles, as Dunlap insists that Mr. Drib is a "bird person," a human incarnation of Ghost Hurt Bird with whom Dunlap once shared a jail cell. In response to town-wide fear regarding the possible presence of bird people, Jackie appointed Mr. Eggbottom and Mr. Brittlebeak to the Department of No More Bird People. Episode 218, headed up by the Berrynutt Brothers, had a sponsor segment featuring, first, Jackie Broyles promoting Jockey's Market, where he now works the cash register. He is, of course, distraught to be working for his longtime nemesis but needs the money after having his old store torn down and then using the settlement from the Nashville lawyers to try to keep business in Murfreesboro, followed by being deposed as mayor by Ghost Bird. Jackie experienced significant abuse at Jockey's. However, this abuse was all a means of testing Jackie by proprietor Jockey, who soon died of cancer, leaving Jackie the store with the provision that the name remain the same, which irked Jackie. Jackie hired lawyer Pinky Piglet Styron to try to take care of the matter, and the store was subsequently put into Styron's name, ostensibly as a means of making a legal transition in ownership. Jackie, however, was reduced to working long hours, often unpaid, as the store went through a variety of conceptual turns. After Styron's death, his daughter, Pinky Piglet Styron Jr. took over the operation and opened up a number of stores under the Jackie's Market name with Jackie as spokesperson.